The New Frontier: Positive Psychology and Mental Well-being
For the longest time, medicine and psychology shared a common approach. You had symptoms? Doctors treated them, and once they were gone, you were considered "better."
This idea carried into mental health too—get rid of the symptoms, and voilà, you're healed.
Then along came Dr. Martin Seligman, former president of the APA and a professor at the University of Pennsylvania. He had a radical thought: the absence of mental illness doesn’t equal mental health.
Seligman wasn’t satisfied with simply getting rid of symptoms. He wanted to know:
Can we define well-being?
Can we measure it?
Can we increase it?
After many years of research, working with thousands of students, and reaching millions of people, the answer to all three questions is a loud and clear yes.
Measuring Well-Being: It’s Not One Size Fits All
Well-being isn’t like weight or height; you can’t just stick it on a scale. Imagine a plane’s control panel—there are several dials and indicators. That’s how well-being works, with many factors coming into play.
One way to measure well-being is through the PERMA model: Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishments. But Health and Freedom are also increasingly considered essential elements.
I believe well-being is deeply personal. Our strengths, values, and desires differ, so our sense of well-being will too. It’s about designing your life to use your strengths, rather than just fixing weaknesses.
Here are 2 quizzes to test your level of well being - PERMA and Authentic Happiness Inventory. Both can be found here.
The Power of Strengths
A good life isn’t about avoiding mistakes. It’s about using your character strengths in ways that light you up, whether it’s during work, play, or in relationships.
Here’s a list of 24 strengths, grouped into six core virtues:
Wisdom: Creativity, curiosity, open-mindedness, love of learning, perspective
Courage: Honesty, bravery, persistence, zest
Humanity: Kindness, love, social intelligence
Justice: Fairness, leadership, teamwork
Temperance: Forgiveness, modesty, prudence, self-regulation
Transcendence: Appreciation of beauty, gratitude, hope, humour, spirituality
There’s a quiz to identify your top five core strengths. It's called VIA - Survey of Character Strengths. Click here to do the quiz.
The project then becomes using these strengths more often in your life. Want to develop new strengths? You can focus on those too.
For example, if you're bored at work, ask yourself: how can I bring more of my strengths into what I do? If creativity is your strength, maybe you can approach tasks from a different angle or inject some new ideas into projects.
Increasing Well-Being: It’s Not About Chasing Happiness
A word of caution: well-being isn’t the same as happiness. The belief that we should always be happy is a trap, leading to disappointment and misery.
Watch 3 Happiness Traps short video here.
Instead, focus on things that increase well-being:
Optimism: This can be developed. Start by reshaping your thoughts about a problem: this is temporary (this too shall pass), local (this situation isn’t everything), impersonal (it’s not my fault), and controllable (there’s something I can do).
For example, say you are stuck in traffic. Pessimist: "Why am I always late, what's wrong with me, I'll be late for the meeting again, and they'll probably fire me. I"m such a looser"
Optimist: "ok, I'm really stuck here, I wonder what I can do? I'm going to call my boss and tell her my idea for the meeting, so they can start discussing it without me." No thoughts of I"m "always" late - this is just this time. No thoughts "It's my fault" - it's just traffic. No catastrophizing thoughts "I'll be fired" - I'll be late this time. And most importantly - there's something I can do.
Gratitude: Every evening, ask yourself, "What went well today?" and "Why?" This trains your brain to notice the positives, not just the negatives.
Bringing Positive Psychology Into My Work
I’ll be using these positive psychology practices more and more in my work with both individuals and couples. After all, if we just help couples stop fighting, or teach them how to fight better, it doesn't mean they are truly happy together. As Marty Seligman says "we don't just want to take insufferable marriage and make it more tolerable. That’s not positive psychology. Positive psychology is answering the question how to take a good marriage and make it even better."
When couples come to me, before diving into their challenges, I always ask:
What’s going well in your relationship?
What do you appreciate about your partner?
What do you love or like about them?
Tell me something cute or endearing about them?
What do you respect or admire about them?
This exercise shifts the energy, helping couples feel seen and connected. From there, we’re able to tackle challenges as a team, instead of staying stuck in disconnection and frustration.
If you're looking to bring a positive psychology approach into your life, whether through individual or couples counseling, I'd be happy to support you on that journey. I'm a couples Counsellor in Calgary, and work online with people around the world.
